Catatan Bu Guru: Just a story

I've been gone for a while.. there's been so much going on, both good and bad. I've been working a lot lately and spend all day with my Dad. Got a lot on my mind, as some of you may know, I have been sick since last month. But I am better now. I've been through a lot recently. Hard job, pending tasks, Dad's condition, love life ruin my day.

Regret?

I don't know. I just feels like, I should...., I must.....

Last week someone ask me to spend rest of his life with me. Sure, I said NO. I think I'm not ready enough to build a new life with other person. I have some big dreams, I really wish could realize every single of them. I love to be free, I'll do my best before decide to give up and forget my dreams.
"Do you love him?" Mom ask
Sure, I love him. Everyone know, he's so kind, care and I love him. But I'm not sure, Am I ready to have a new life? Am I ready for joy? Am I ready for pain?
I don't know. But, when I think about it, some guilty come as a nightmare. Why I said no? Why I ignore him?
How if I said yes? How it will be? Will I felt happiness or regret like this?
Yesterday, I saw my friend using her wedding dress. And, I really wish could ride time machine. Back to that day and say "YES, I WILL"

If....
If I said Yes. Maybe I'll pick one of this beautiful gown. If, yeah...just a wish.